If you’re a girl living in Pakistan, then before taking on the world by storm, your worry might sometimes begin at home. What I mean when I say that is the tireless effort that is constantly being put into our relationship with our mothers. Usually, daughters find themselves in a perpetual tiff with their mothers. This begins the moment they step into their teens and things just seem to spiral downwards from there. The biggest trouble with this very essential relationship in every girl’s life, is the proverbial question “how to deal with it?”
You feel you’re not wrong, and the mother also seems to be coming from a one-up position! This is where communication matters, and that is something we struggle with as a community. So, based on my personal experience and with my observation of the friends and the society around me, I’ve come up with some ways for you to ensure your communication, and as an extension your relationship with your mother, stays healthy and stable! Despite the oddities.
I know this sounds vague, what could I possibly mean when I say clarify? What I mean is clarify your stance. More often than not, in a conversation between a mother and a daughter, a lot is left unsaid. This is either because we’re too angry or too afraid that we’ll say something we might regret later. Though the latter is a valuable reason to stay quiet, it leaves a big dent in the relationship. It is important to convey what you’re feeling in order to ensure your relationship is growing in a healthy and wholesome way. Walking away from an unresolved fight or argument only leads to bigger and messier fights in the future – these fights become an explosion, solely because the little sparks were avoided or denied all along.
#2 Speak your emotions
A lot of us girls are told to bottle our emotions up because this somehow demonstrates a lot of strength – this is a rookie mistake when it comes to our relationship with our mothers. It is imperative to always communicate your feelings to your mother. Sometimes, our mothers get away with hurting us repeatedly solely because we never tell them what’s hurting us at all. Instead we deny a conversation and sometimes even the pleasantries, just because we don’t want to tell them they’ve hurt us. If a mother knew what she was saying was hurting your feelings, she might not repeat herself and this might improve your overall relationship with her, by a mile.
#3 It’s not what you say, but HOW you say it
I can never put enough stress on this one! You can always say exactly what you want without offending your mother. I know you’re at a loss of patience mostly, but it is important for your personal sanity and to keep your mother’s dignity intact that you do not sound irritated or disrespectful, no matter how angry/annoyed you are. Trust me when I say this, try the “cute” way to tell her how you feel instead of barging upon her with accusations, and I promise she’ll at least consider what you’re saying. Just try it once!
#4 Treat them kindly
I have experienced this to work better than any of the above. Every time I feel like me and my mother have reached a road block where neither is willing to budge, the best peacemaker is to take her out for coffee or a pleasant dinner. Not only does this give them a reason to doll up and tell her friends she just “dined out with her daughter”, this also makes them feel special. She gets in a good mood which makes communication a whole lot easier and enables you to say things you can’t otherwise! You even get brownie points for making her feel loved and spoilt. Which isn’t really a bad thing, is it?
#5 Try to understand their context
Lastly and most importantly, it is essential to not lose your shit with your mother. Just remember to remind yourself that she’s a mother looking out for you, and let’s face it, no matter what we do or say, it’s not like she’s going to be around forever. She may come from a different place, but she has your best interests at heart that make her do and say unnecessary things. Understand where she’s coming from. It may be hard in the beginning but eventually, it will help a lot!
These are some simple ways in which you can enjoy your relationship with your mother to the fullest, without feeling like you’re acting out, or holding things in all the time. No mother is perfect, neither is any daughter, the above is just a peaceful way to live with what we have and appreciate it!