What I expected to be a regular Saturday evening turned into a complete illusion. I thought I was dazed, but is it just me?
I parked my car outside Alfatah in Y block Defence just as I noticed this man in bright red flannel with the fluffiest afro parking his bike next to me. It took me a second to even consider the idea that it might be Oochi. But I hadn’t had breakfast, so I could’ve been hallucinating. What would Fawad Khan be doing riding a bike in the middle of the day? I rubbed my eyes before I got a second look. Just to save myself from embarrassment – what woman would want to run towards a stranger yelling “Oochi, Oochi!!!”
I decided to walk into Chashni to get a kulfi to help me gain a little perspective. But as I stepped through the mahogany doors, there sat another man in a similar eye squinting flannel red using a curling brush to fluff up his afro. Just across him a mirrored twin gulping down chai with a packet of Oye Hoye French crisps. Was it seriously just my mind playing games on an empty stomach or was Lahore literally being acquired by an army of Oochies. I quickly grabbed my kulfi and ran out of the store as quickly as I could.
To my surprise, all I saw were Oochies. Sitting down, standing up, and striking a conversation with a stranger and some just barbarically inhaling packet upon packet of Oye Hoye crisps. It was the Oochi plague taking over the city. The red flannel, the poofy afro’s – where are all these Fawad’s coming from?
I had to drive out of there before I lost my mind, and I can swear I saw one flying above my car with a silk satin red cape. But the more I drove out of the Oochi complex, the more I felt I was driving into the next one. They were everywhere. The moustached replicas of Fawad Khan are taking over our city. Their Ray-Bans and eyebrow lifts have struck us like a plague. Is it really just me?